It has been two weeks since I returned to Florida. The day after I arrived in Florida, my brain wasn’t working properly, and I had no appetite. I only ate once a day for a week and lost 3 kg.
I was very sleepy on Friday and Saturday nights. I went to bed around 9 pm and woke up at 10 am. I had a good dream. I haven’t slept like this since last year. Last year I had jet lag for over two weeks after returning to Florida.
Since I was young, I have tried many ways to sleep well. I listen to classical music, meditate, exercise, use aroma candles and pillow mists, etc. Alcohol is like a sleeping pill. I can sleep right after drinking. But it is not healthy. Sleeping pills are even worse. I know because my grandma used to take them.
I left Japan a long time ago. I have been living abroad for about half of my life. I thought about my identity.
My mom clearly said to me, “You are not Japanese anymore!” To be honest, I was sad to hear that. I don’t know what she was thinking. Our relationship has always been like that. We always argued and hurt each other.
My dad and I have always been close. We have never argued. He is kind and respects me. My grandpa was also like that. Well, my grandma lived life at her own pace. I may be like her.
Now my dad has dementia. Sometimes he can’t do everything by himself. Several times my mom said hurtful things to him. I took his side and argued with her instead.
I have tried to do my best. In reality, it is very difficult to solve family problems. I wonder how many more years this kind of life will last.
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