Last year, I wrote an essay and submitted it to a Japanese website. It was published in October of last year. The website will be closed this month. I have been a reader for a long time because the topics were about gender.
Last week, I shared the original essay on my Japanese blog.
This time, I translated the essay into English by myself.
The topic: I will not change (I will change society).
Title: “A Japanese Girl Walking with a Foreign Guy! What’s Wrong with Being with My Husband?”
Nowadays, there are more foreigners in Japan. But my young times were not the same as now. There might be differences depending on the areas. I feel like there wasn’t as much diversity.
20 years ago, I was a college student. I was majoring in foreign languages when I met a foreign student. Working as an exchange student coordinator at a Japanese university, I knew that he had come to Japan because he was fascinated by Japanese computers. Since I was studying his native language, we started spending time together.
We got engaged during my senior year. I had never thought I wanted to marry until I met him. But somehow, I wanted to be with him. He felt the same way I did. Fate is a mystery.
My parents disapproved of our marriage. Age wasn’t the only reason. I didn’t want to lie about my feelings. Because my life is mine. I believed I could do well because I decided, and I trusted myself.
We are an odd couple. Our personalities and hobbies are very different. Even physically, we have almost nothing in common. Therefore, people remember our faces easily. At the same time, we stand out wherever we go.
Once, while walking down the street in Japan, a stranger suddenly yelled, “Look! A young Japanese girl walking with a foreign guy!” I thought, “What’s wrong with walking with my husband?”
When we visited a small town in the U.S., the local person thought my husband was a kidnapper of his daughter. I was not there, so I think it happened. She is similar to my face.
I wondered why people are like that. We’re together because we love each other. “Differences” don’t matter at all. In fact, we have never thought of ourselves as “different” from others.
I was born “Japanese” and lived as “Japanese” until I met my husband. But after I met him, I forgot about the concept of race. That’s all.
This summer, my eldest daughter said to me, “Mama, thank you for choosing Dad!”
I asked, “Why?”
She said to me, “Because if you hadn’t chosen Dad, I wouldn’t have been born!”
Kids are honest.
I said to her, “What are you saying? You’re just a kid.”
I didn’t really mean it. She might have said it casually, but I was happy.
In the last 20 years, many things have happened. I have experienced not only good things but also bad things.
Suddenly, I was back to reality. Then, I started crying. I don’t know how to describe my feelings, but I felt like I had been acknowledged. After that, I went to the bathroom and cried alone. I’m human. Everyone has emotions.
I haven’t changed since long ago. I always want to be myself. If anything has changed in 20 years, it is probably that I became a mom of four. Rather, I think things around me and society have changed.
I will not change even 20 years from now.
Yeah, I am a stubborn person.
Thank you for reading.
Photo by LILI
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