When I was 19, I was dating a former classmate. We were students attending different universities. He lived in another prefecture, so he often returned to his hometown. A long time ago, his grandfather was a famous dentist, and my grandfather was a fire chief in the same area. Our families had known each other.
One day, we went out to the countryside. That day, I wore a miniskirt and long boots. He didn’t tell me where he was taking me. After about two hours, we arrived at the old house in the mountains, and the elderly couple welcomed us. They were his relatives. Their house was over 100 years old and surrounded by nature. His uncle asked me to try fishing. I tried fishing for the first time. A few minutes later, I caught a fish. Soon I caught another fish. His uncle was surprised. I enjoyed country life, so I expressed my gratitude to them.
On the way home, he asked me about my future plans. I honestly said to him that I want to study and work abroad. He was a little surprised and asked me. “If you choose Canada or America, I want to study with you. But I am not good at English. I will wait until you return to Japan. I want to have a family with you in the future. Could you support my life?”
He was serious, so I nodded. He smiled and hugged me. We talked about how many kids and pets we are going to have. We were young, so we didn’t know the reality. We grew up in a traditional family. He was born into a family of dentists. He was required to take over his family business. I understood how much pressure he felt for the future. Our relationship was going well. But again, my mom didn’t accept our relationship. Also, around that time, my relative* had infidelity. * He is neither my grandpa nor my dad.
When my relative broke off the relationship with his mistress, I was there. I didn’t know anything. I was waiting outside of the room. While they were talking in the room, suddenly I heard the woman’s scream. I immediately opened the door. My relative was slapping her face. I shouted at him, “Stop right now!”
My relative didn’t attack me, but I was traumatized. After this incident, I couldn’t trust men and my family. I began to lose trust in my partner as well. I wanted to be alone for a while, so I told him a lie. But that lie unexpectedly hurt him. We had a big argument and broke up. I hurt more, and I blamed myself. To refresh my feelings, I spent time with my friends. At university, I studied gender, and I read books written by female authors. I wanted to find a way to have a successful life as a woman.
It has been 23 years since then. I have been ignoring him all along. Two years ago, I read in the local newspaper that he had taken over the family business. I was glad to know that. The last message I sent to him was, “I hope you will become a dentist like your grandfather.”
Someday I may apologize to him. But the past is gone. I am happy with my husband and kids.
<true story>
Photos by Pixabay
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